Damn Good Little Victories

If you were to pass me on the street, or stand in line behind me at a coffee shop, or watch me move behind the counter, you would never know I am a person who battles depression. You would never guess that a good portion of my year is spent tearing myself down, and the rest is spent rebuilding the foundation I damage while doing so. You would never know the war that is fought in my head, and the struggle that plagues my heart. And that is okay, because although I am sad almost consistently, I find reasons to get up and reasons to be happy. I have been thinking a lot about stigmas and other things that become apparent when the words depression or anxiety roll around and I think its time to speak out about what it really feels like. Not all parts are filled with darkness. There is a lot about depression that I believe can be seen as a blessing. 

This is a new project, aimed at celebrating my own personal every-day victories and sharing them with the world around.

There are silver linings in the dark clouds that hover above your head.
Just got to keep your chin up.

 
    A little over a year ago, I packed my life up and moved to a place I have always wanted to live with a person I believed I would spend my life with. I quit the job that drove me insane and committed myself to writing. When I took this photo, I was reminded about the wonder of the ocean when the sun dips under the horizon. I was reminded of what it felt like to feel alive. Living in North Carolina, with the person I thought would be my husband, turned out not to be something for me. Call it poor timing, call it jumping in head first and drowning, call it being stupid and foolish. But if I took anything home from that experience it was standing with my toes in the sand marveling at that beautiful sunset, listening to the waves kiss the shoreline.                                                                                              I felt alive, and that is a damn good little victory.

    A little over a year ago, I packed my life up and moved to a place I have always wanted to live with a person I believed I would spend my life with. I quit the job that drove me insane and committed myself to writing. When I took this photo, I was reminded about the wonder of the ocean when the sun dips under the horizon. I was reminded of what it felt like to feel alive. Living in North Carolina, with the person I thought would be my husband, turned out not to be something for me. Call it poor timing, call it jumping in head first and drowning, call it being stupid and foolish. But if I took anything home from that experience it was standing with my toes in the sand marveling at that beautiful sunset, listening to the waves kiss the shoreline.
                                                                                             I felt alive, and that is a damn good little victory.

     I wandered out to the same spot I've stood in for the past ten years. The same spot I did homework and took naps. The same spot I went to when life got rough and I just needed a break. I stood atop the mountain and took in the warm breeze. It was the first time I felt like I could breathe in what seems like an eternity of drowning. I stood there wrapped in warmth and took in the sight of the sun slowly coming through the tree branches, engulfed in a feeling that things were going to be alright.                                           A damn good little victory.

     I wandered out to the same spot I've stood in for the past ten years. The same spot I did homework and took naps. The same spot I went to when life got rough and I just needed a break. I stood atop the mountain and took in the warm breeze. It was the first time I felt like I could breathe in what seems like an eternity of drowning. I stood there wrapped in warmth and took in the sight of the sun slowly coming through the tree branches, engulfed in a feeling that things were going to be alright. 
                                         A damn good little victory.

     The water calms my restless heart. I stood on the beach with my best friend, we walked down the shoreline and spoke about life. We spoke about buying a house in North Carolina on the beach so we could write and marvel at a view like this every day. I was filled with so much hope for the future on this day. As well as a bad ass sunburn. The remainder of the time was spent splashing around with my sisters and capturing memories to last a lifetime.                                          A damn good little victory. 

     The water calms my restless heart. I stood on the beach with my best friend, we walked down the shoreline and spoke about life. We spoke about buying a house in North Carolina on the beach so we could write and marvel at a view like this every day. I was filled with so much hope for the future on this day. As well as a bad ass sunburn. The remainder of the time was spent splashing around with my sisters and capturing memories to last a lifetime.
                                         A damn good little victory. 

    I stood in the cold water on that hot day trying to get the perfect shot of the water rushing down the rocks. It seemed like ages since I felt compelled to do whatever it took for the vision I saw in my head. As I headed back to dry land my eyes wandered down to my feet amidst the rocky underwater surface. I laughed as the water rushed past me and I was reminded then of what I love and why I love it. The water rushed and I felt alive.                                           A damn good little victory.

    I stood in the cold water on that hot day trying to get the perfect shot of the water rushing down the rocks. It seemed like ages since I felt compelled to do whatever it took for the vision I saw in my head. As I headed back to dry land my eyes wandered down to my feet amidst the rocky underwater surface. I laughed as the water rushed past me and I was reminded then of what I love and why I love it.
The water rushed and I felt alive.

                                          A damn good little victory.

     Life, so uncertain, seemed to be a never ending mess of life, love, and loss. I was unsure of which was was up. I did a lot of driving during this time. I am fascinated with the sky and the mass amounts of beautiful it can shine down on us tiny humans. I felt unsteady, uncomfortable, uncertain. But I found unwavering comfort in the sky this evening. It was storming where I was, but just ahead blue skies awaited me. All I had to do was keep going.                                          A damn good little victory.

     Life, so uncertain, seemed to be a never ending mess of life, love, and loss. I was unsure of which was was up. I did a lot of driving during this time. I am fascinated with the sky and the mass amounts of beautiful it can shine down on us tiny humans. I felt unsteady, uncomfortable, uncertain. But I found unwavering comfort in the sky this evening. It was storming where I was, but just ahead blue skies awaited me. All I had to do was keep going.
                                         A damn good little victory.

I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately.....  

I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately.....