Life has pretty much kicked me in the face, and for that I am strangely grateful. Sounds silly but let’s be honest, if life gave you sunshine every day would you ever know how to appreciate the warmth on your skin? So, in the last week I have gotten the flu, been so stressed my hair is falling out, got my debit card information stolen, and had my fridge break. I had to throw away three trash bags full of hard earned dollars in the form of food. And I’ve been dealing with all of these things alone on the floor of my furnitureless living room. Sounds like I am being a baby about life being hard, about adulting being hard. But it’s not that at all. Its me acknowledging the fact that experiencing these things alone is a whole different ballpark. I can’t climb into my moms bed and have her play with my hair until it gets better. I can’t turn to my boyfriend and have him scoop me up to tell me everything is going to be alright. I don’t have my brother to give me the biggest and best hug there is out there. I am not alone per se, but at the same time I am experiencing these things I have experienced before but have had to adapt to them differently. I am not always surrounded by people and when these moments happen I have to learn to adjust accordingly. I have never been truly “alone.” And by that I don’t mean I am alone in the world, woe is me, blah blah blah. I’m just experiencing life a little differently and have to assess and adjust based on me, myself, and I. I have to be my own best friend this go around and as a person who has always struggled with my relationship with Kierstin, it’s been one hell of a time.
I had the day from hell on Wednesday. I felt more defeated than I have felt in what feels like ages. I was pissed off and irate with life and its ability to make you feel like you are being crushed under a boulder of things gone awry and a long list of responsibilities. I often laugh because ten years ago, sixteen year old me dreamed of the day when I would have my own place, and be kicking life’s ass.
Reality of the situation is that adulting is hard and sometimes life kicks you in the ass, or in the teeth.
I laid on my living room floor Wednesday evening and cried until it became uncontrollable laughter. If there is anything I’ve learned in the past about taking the blows life dishes out is that there are a few ways to react. I was defeated and sad, but I laughed because thats all I could do. Laugh at the fact that it was my luck to have my debit card info stolen, all my bills clear at once, and my fridge break all in the same day. I laughed because I knew that after all that crying I was going to wake up tomorrow and get the opportunity to fumble through a new day. I get the opportunity to take this messy, crazy, stressful life and make it something positive. Something to laugh and smile about.
I have always dealt with frustration in means of tears because it was the easiest way to process. I have always been the girl that cries about everything. When I am happy, sad, angry, you name it tears will be present. So to be able to laugh hysterically after the shitstorm that was my week, it felt freaking great. I wont have a debit card until Tuesday and still have pretty much an empty fridge, but honestly I can’t help but smile at knowing that all of that happened and I didn’t self destruct. I didn’t retreat into myself, shut the world out and give up.
Life is extremely stressful right now, but I know at the end of the day that I have accomplished so much. I am writing again. I am inspired again. I want more out of life and I am learning to turn the “stagnant” feeling into motivation to reach and accomplish more. So yes, life has kicked me in the teeth over and over for what seems like weeks, but I woke up today and smiled.
I made myself coffee and breakfast, sat in my furnitureless living room, and I laughed.