I came across a list of goals I wrote some day near the end of last year. I think about all the obtainable things listed. As I read, I came across no lines of impossible monthly tasks. No, what I see is a girl sitting at a table alone in a coffee shop writing a cheat sheet to surviving what the year has in store. I see lines of positive affirmations. I see plausible reachable goals. I see hope. As I pack my life into boxes, once again, I begin to reflect on the last nine months of this year. 2017 is three fourths over already, crazy to think how time flies. I peer through the hopes and fears I had coming into this year and I am able to see which I've worked on, and which are still in progress.
So I didn't start yoga.
Instagram is as far as my photos have gotten, and I am unfortunately a couch potato.
Starbucks still owns my soul, I don't have much to say for my writing these days,
other than a complete lack of inspiration,
and my reflection still has a mean streak.
So what? Wanna know what I do see?
I see a beautiful relationship that I didn't run from when times have gotten hard. I've seen my heart experience more emotion directly related to the love I've created. I've watched myself slowly begin the process of becoming healthy and overcoming chronic illness even on days it's hell. I've seen myself overcome grave loss, coming out the other side still in one piece. I get keys to my own apartment this Friday and I'm still able to pat myself on the back for those damn good every day little victories. And I may not write all the time, and it may seem like a piece of me is missing, but in those moments when I really need it....the pen is always there. Be it, in my hair, cluttering my car, scattered through out my purse, or in my hand.
Everyone starts a new year off with this grand list of things they wish upon themselves. Things they inevitably can't bring themselves to accomplish and it leads them down a disappointing road for the year. But that girl sipping coffee before work, writing her heart out? For the first time, she wrote about using the year to take care of herself. To nurture the relationship with her reflection, the relationship with her loved ones, and constant reminders to believe in herself.
Sometimes I feel like I'm failing, and then it hits me, I haven't failed.
I'm just getting started.