the daydream comedown

This is what happens when you doubt what you are capable of. This is what happens when you tell yourself that reaching for something you know you could excel at because the requirements say "1-2 years of experience" and you're unsure if what you've done so far even counts. For as long as I can remember I have always wanted to write something worth reading. I've wanted to be the author other authors were for me. I wanted to create that inspired moment in someones day through a sentence I, myself, strung together. But somewhere along the way, I got caught up in the day dream and the reality slowly slipped away. I spent so much time in my head building things and building things that when it came time to actually make it a reality I was a deer in headlights. 

I have no idea what I am doing.

I follow all sorts of bloggers and lifestyle writing inspiring humans on all sorts of social media hoping they'll lend insight into how they got where they are. But in reality, it was because they fell from those day dream clouds and made their hopes a reality. How? I am so unsure its unreal, but they did it. Which most definitely means I can too. The whole thing barrels down do I get started? How do I propel myself in the direction of making dreams reality? For a while I was doing it, gaining experience by writing and submitting content to submission/contributing based websites. I hoped to write something so compelling it would launch me into this endless string of writing inspired content. But then I kind of lost it. The momentum faded and I didn't know how to get the ball rolling again. Writing became a chore at that point, something I felt I was required to do now, all the time, whether I wanted to or not. It went from my favorite stuffed animal, to the monster in the closet. So I started folding my clothes on the floor, and left the door alone. 

I have spent the better half of the last year in the most amazingly unfortunate writing rut I have ever, in my almost fifteen years of writing, found myself in. It's been agonizing and painful. But I feel like I am slowly coming out of it. I am making changes to my life that I hope will push me back into the swing of this writing stuffs. I know this post is a bunch of nonsense, but you have to start somewhere, right?

Here is to hopefully pushing myself in the direction of finding what it is I want, and fiercely pursuing it. 

I can't be scared anymore.
 I'm too old for that shit. ;)