So be it

There is a point in your life when you get sick of people expecting you to have it all figured out. You get frustrated with yourself for not having it all figured out and it just pushes you to the edge. I am standing at that edge. While trying to allow myself to be okay with not having it all figured out, I have people left and right scrutinizing me for not having a better paying job, an apartment of my own, be able to pay for this or that. I am one person, and I am trying to do what I can to get to a place where I am able to do all of that. Having humans in your life that consistently tell you how lost you are for not having that sparkling new apartment overlooking the lake, or that fancy paying job that will make you miserable but solve all your financial woes, only pushes you father from the path. 

    I just want to be happy. And I am trying my hardest to get there, but I need to get there without the scrutiny and negativity of those who just expect everyone to have things figured out the way they do. Everyone works at different paces, peoples lives pick up at different times. I could go out, get a loan, and leave my house but owe the bank thousands. Or I can continue to try and put myself together and do it without having to beg borrow or steal. 

    “How are you ever going to support yourself?” 

Well, in all reality, I do support myself. The only thing I do not do is pay rent or car insurance. But that doesn't make the bills I pay currently any less important. I am working to move into a state of being where I am able to balance my money, job, life, in a positive and healthy manner. What those people in life that put you down don't understand is that they are hindering you, not helping you. By reminding you consistently that you don't have it together or that you are falling behind the rest of the people in your “generation,” they are just pushing you further and further away from reaching your goal. What sucks is one day long ago words like such would motivate, but nowadays, they just hurt.

    “Where are you going in life? What is your plan? Why aren't you pursuing something more practical?” 

    How about this, you work your 9-5 job that more than likely makes you miserable, and I will meander through my “messy” life finding happiness doing something I love. You can’t force success, you can’t force progress, things take time. I made a promise to myself, that I would never compromise my happiness for dollar signs, and that will remain true. If that means there are things I live without, then so be it. I would rather be broke and happy than rich and miserable. Money can't buy you the feeling that wells inside when you do something you are truly passionate about. Money is just paper. And although in reality it seems to be the only thing people care about, call me old fashioned but I believe truly in finding something that ignites you and pushes you towards true self happiness. Believe it or not, money isn't everything. And for those who insist on scrutinizing those who are still on the path to figuring it out, shame on you. Because once upon a time, whether you will admit it or not, you were in their shoes. You were a little lost, and if a hypocrite is what you wanted to be when you grew up… Congrats, you made it. 

But I will not be put down, for I am taking the steps necessary to achieve the happiness that I deserve, the happiness that comes from inside myself. I will find it, and it will be beautiful. And if that takes baby steps, then so be it.