At what age does self love gain its importance? At what age does it lose it? When do you fall into a part of life where you're so busy with everyone and everything else, you forget to take care of you? In accordance with most of the population, your early twenties are typically the selfish years. The span of years you're supposed to be figuring out your place in the world. But what the early twenties truly ended up being are those of stress, chaos, self loathing, and the all time favorite mania. I'm about to turn twenty four, and I am okay saying I have nothing figured out. I mean, I have a general idea of what I want in the future, but as for this very moment I think I'm just tasked with survival laced with unrealistic expectations. Obviously, I want to live not just survive. Take on everything the world has to offer. Adventure, take risks, and eventually I can figure it all out. I want to love myself effortlessly and not have a continuous fight with the human reflected back at me.
A lot of people ask when I plan to get my life on track, but who's track are they expecting me to get on? I drive the life train at my own pace, and this track is my own.
This track is my life, and I know I'm doing just fine.
I have trudged through the messiness of early twenties self loathing. Three a.m. breakdowns, stress eating, binge buying and the like. I've witnessed the coming and going of self love. I've watched myself deplete my self worth, but I've also watched myself rise above the dark times. I may not have a clear map of what life will be like for me, and that's okay. So many are concerned with life's destination they lose track of the journey. On the outside they see a twenty three year old college graduate working a job as a barista. What they don't see are the plans I do have for my future, the dreams and aspirations that come with it. They don't see all the material I gain from everyday human connections. All they see is a "not real" occupation for a person that they expect far too much from.
I am human.
I am trying.
Shouldn't that be enough?
As I shed the negativity of 23 and welcome a new and positive 24, I hope to keep moving forward on my life train, taking many stops and enjoying the view.
A life you don't live is still lost. (Thanks Goo Goo Dolls)
So focusing too much on the bigger picture, the destination if you will, only takes away from the rare truly inspiring moments that exist on every stop along the way. I'm coming to understand and enjoy the times where I get to live in the moment. Take time away from the endless questions of what, when, and who. Embrace the journey that is life, gather experiences, and truly gain self love. As I enter my twenty-fourth year revolving around the sun, I hope to gain so much more than just a career. I hope to create a life that I am proud of, do things I love and realize that it's okay to not have it all figured out.
Embrace the journey. It all starts somewhere, and that somewhere is here.